Opus Day 20: Transform Your Anger

[Barque]

“If you are looking for your life work and carry deep, hidden anger with you, it will only work against you unless you submit it to an alchemy by which its constructive powers are released. Anger can become determination, personal power, a sharp mind, effective personal presence, clear decisions, and grounded creativity. Anger can be either very destructive or immensely useful.
**
There is a form of creativity that reaches for the stars and is sunny and bright, but there is another kind, just as fruitful, that is dark and deep, more hidden than visible, motivated sometimes by anger and envy. This deep source of the creative spirit is difficult to express in our world because we have difficulty appreciating the positive qualities of the dark emotions. But they give a person depth, strength of character, and an earthy honesty and counter any tendency toward the sentimental and the naïve.”

Today’s Work: Get close to your anger by staying with its sensations. Imagine using unexpressed anger as a source of strength. Describe this transformation.

Share your responses with Barque readers, by replying to this discussion.

[Dr. Robert Klass]

It seems to me that it's absolutely true that so-called negative emotions (i.e. anger, jealousy, vengefulness, etc.) can be as stimulating to creativity as the so-called positive emotions, but, on some level, it also comes down to how we intend to live our lives. If we look at the lives of, say, Sylvia Plath, Ezra Pound, Edgar Allen Poe, Ernest Hemingway, etc., we can see a lot of creativity, but there's also a lot of anger, pain, depression, etc. If we take it a step further, I think that what the Unabomber did was very creative, but that does not mean that I approve of what he did.

Maybe I'm a bit hung-up on the nature of consciousness, but I always come back to questions like "What are we so angry about?" and "What choice do we have in controlling our emotions?" From what I can tell, when we are angry, we are angry at or about something because we think somebody or something (i.e. our wife, the government, our neighbors, etc.) did something to us. Whether or not the offense happened and how long we stay angry are decisions that we get to make...just as we get to decide that we have positive feelings toward other people and things. I have also found it to be true that if you are playing tennis, poker, chess or whatever with somebody and you can get them angry, they are probably going to be much more mistake-prone.

In closing, I've got to admit that I have a bit of problem with the statement "Anger can become determination, personal power, a sharp mind, effective personal presence, clear decisions and grounded creativity." Yes, all of those things can happen when we are angry...but they can also happen when we are in any other emotional state. I'm not convinced that positive outcomes happen while we are angry; they happen when we rise above the anger, and, at the very minimum, we do have some control about how long we visit or dwell in negativity.
Aloha, Bob

[Thomas Moore]

This is a thoughtful riff on anger. To clarify: I don't see the value in "rising above" anger but in receiving it and subjecting it to imagination (alchemy, the sub-theme of the book), thus allowing it to morph into constructive qualities. As though anger were a resource, in reserve. I don't mean that the sheer expression of anger has positive results. By the way,I get the ideas of shifting anger into an edge to language and thoughts, firmness in expression and being, a forceful presence, and so on from my studies in Renaissance medicine, where Mars is described this way.

Thomas

[Dr. Robert Klass]

Dear Thomas, Thank you for your response. It occurs to me that we may we describing the same thing, and any differences that we might have could just be about semantics. On the other hand, it could be that we have come to different conclusions about parts of life based on our unbringings, educations, research, life experiences and all of the other factors that go into making each of us unique individuals.

As I've mentioned, I am fascinated by the subject of consciousness, and when I talk about "rising above" anger, I am making reference to what I have discovered about that thing that we call "higher consciouness." Please understand, I do not claim to be an authority in such fields of knowledge as philosophy, religion, history, the nature of consciousness, etc.; I consider myself to be an enthusiastic student of these subjects. By me, "rising above" anger is it's own reward. If I can reach a higher level of awareness...no matter how temporary it might be...it almost always has me realize that I have lots of options other than being angry, and many of them are far better than dwelling with negativity.
If the principles of alchemy are applied, the anger is transmuted to something else...hopefully something positive...and, once again, the individual is no longer in a state of anger. It may be that anger is a resource, in reserve, but can't we also say that about such things as love, compassion and forgiveness?

Most of us would agree that the words "Love thy neighbor" communicate a high concept, and they will take us to different places in life than the words "Hate thy neighbor." As somebody who has done both, I greatly prefer the former. From what I can tell, we do have at least some freedom of choice about how we live our lives...although how much freedom we have may be subject to speculation...and given that choice, I would prefer to put love into the world instead of anger. Here's hoping that you and your family are having a wonderful weekend! Aloha, Bob

[Dr. Robert Klass]

P.S. Dear Thomas, One of my goals for getting involved in this ongoing discussion was to stimulate my own writing. The other night, I found myself sitting in front of the computer at around 2:30 a.m. because I "just had to write." The next day I realized that being involved in this has indeed stimulated my writing. Thank you very much for initiating this project, and I am looking forward to what happens the rest of the way. I'd love to see a lot more entries from the other members of this group. Aloha, Bob

[Ann]

Aloha to you too, Bob, I’m glad you are hanging in here and continuing to share. I’ve been reading (and enjoying) all your contributions. Opus has presented many wonderful prompts with potential for insight and discussion, yet it is not living up to this potential. This isn’t too surprising to me as my experience with online forums has taught me that it takes a great deal of attention and time to build a virtual community. Unless there are a few leaders who nurture the group, respond to posts, ask questions, and ensure that all who participate are encouraged and welcomed it won’t perpetuate or grow.

For me, I’m finding the pacing of the prompts here overwhelming, coming as they are each day, one after the other. These are not exactly “what did you have for lunch” sorts of topics that can be responded to in a spare five minutes. It takes time for me to think things through andcraft a response, by then several new prompts have been presented. I’m a slowww thinker! Not to mention, I am busy WORKING! Can you believe it, actual work is getting in the way of talking about work! (Insert whiney voice here.)

But beyond my own ability to respond to each prompt, what I enjoy is sticking with topics for a longer period, having more chances to ask questions of others, letting conversations wander a little more where they will. Until people start to know each other postings usually stay careful and polite and not all that personal.

And, darn it, now I am out of time to write about anger, which, in my opinion, could provide weeks and weeks of very interesting discussion.

Take care,
Ann

[Barque]

Thank you for responding, Ann. There is no deadline for responses to these quotations and the forty passages may stimulate discussion long after their initial posting. This is an experiment. Please contribute when you can. I want to be a convivial host.
Barque

[Ann]

You are a convivial host, Barque, I certainly didn't mean to imply anything else. The prompts are great and the idea behind this project is, as well.

Communication through the internet is one of my interests, I've studied and experimented with it for quite awhile so my comments were mostly based on observations I have made on what it takes to make virtual communities grow and thrive.

I'm in love with the internet, I think it is a miracle that has expanded my life in ways that would never be possible otherwise. Having access to unlimited new ideas, experiences, ways of living, information about peopleplacesthingsculture all while sitting in my own home is transforming, at least for me.

But the one thing I never expected was that it might be possible to make new friends through forums and other internet based communications. I mean real friends who play an important part in my circle of safety and happiness. Meeting other people and learning about their lives has turned out to be my favorite part of the www. Takes a long time to build a friendship (or a community), though. I hope this one continues to move in that direction.

Take care,
Ann

[Stacy]

This is my first posting for any type of forum. I sort of feel unworthy of expressing myself in something like this, like I’m using up space for someone else. But I like Thomas Moore’s books and so I want to contribute something.
Anger, transforming it. I’ve thought about this, I don’t know if it’s what the forum is looking for but here goes.
When ever I hear someone talk about unexpressed anger, I think that’s how I operate a lot of the time. I don’t like being outwardly angry. So usually I think I just keep it inside. I turn it on myself and blame what ever it is on me. On occasion I’ll find someone “safe” to yell at (usually not an authority figure), but most of the time I find ways to just blame me.

Anger as a source of strength:
For four years, I’ve had an attorney handling some legal work which was only supposed to take nine months. A few days ago, his secretary called me and blamed me for the reason the legal work was still not completed.
I got so angry, but I tried not to show it. I hung up the phone and instantly started sulking. As it so happened, a friend came up to me minutes after I hung up the phone. She could tell something was wrong. She pried it out of me. And I started telling her about it. Later, I ended up telling her about the whole four year saga. She said she’d write it all down if she was me. So I took that advice. I started writing a letter to my attorney about everything that I was mad about with him. I wrote to him that I felt he was downright insensitive. And then I wrote that expected some actions from him.
It took two days but I finished the letter and mailed it.
The first night that I started writing the letter, I dreamed about a man throwing a spear. It’s hard for me to remember my dreams. I know the dream had a lot more parts to it, but I can’t remember them. The only part I remember is at the end. This muscular man in the middle of an arena, I think. He throws a spear up into the sky. That’s all I remember.

Let me first say that I’m a novice at this. But what I do think about care of the soul... is that maybe I shouldn’t judge everything so much, like I do. For me, everything is either positive or negative. Like right now, I may be quick to say to myself that I did well. I wrote that letter and expressed my anger so that’s positive. Well maybe it is, but I think the thing is not to judge these things so much.
But instead, I’ll try to tell more stories to my friend and try to remember more images from my dreams, and not be so judgmental of everything.

I can’t remember which book exactly, but there’s this part about-- not interpreting your dreams, but letting your dream interpret you. I really like that.
But I want to say that in a way, after I woke up and remembered that image of that man, I felt like: yeah I'm gonna finish this letter and mail it to him.
In a way I was sort of throwing a spear.

S

[Dr. Robert Klass]

Dear S., Thank you for writing. I also like Thomas Moore's books. I believe he is an excellent writer, and he is addressing important matters in our lives. From what I can tell, he is also a very good human being, a man of honor and integrity. That being said, it does not necessarily mean that any of us are going to agree on everything.

From your entry, it sounds as if the lawyer gave you more than adequate reasons for being angry. However, I am interested more in the nature of our anger and other emotions, and I am interested in exploring other options to being angry, spiteful, envious, etc. while considering the possibility that that our emotional states have something to do with conscious choices we make about our lives. I do wonder if, for some reason, anger is a stronger emotion than, say, joy, compassion, grief, gratitude, etc. So far, I have no evidence to support the idea that anger has a greater power over us than any other emotional response.

Perhaps the real question is "Do we control our emotions, or do they control us?" At the very minimum, it does appear that, each moment of our lives, we have the capacity to be loving, angry or a bunch of other things. If we become angry, we decide that something or someone becomes the focus of our anger. So, if it should turn out that there's kind of a free-floating anger in the world that descends on us, the decision of who or what we're going to be angry about looks like a choice that we get to make.

If we are angry, we have the following options:
1-We can keep on being angry
2-We can transmute the energy that goes with the anger into something creative, positive, etc.
3-We can transcend the anger...what I called "rising above"...and have nothing to do with it.
These are the only options I can come up with, but if anybody has any others to add to the list, I hope we hear from you.
In my life, I've tried all three, and from my limited experience with #3, it is the one I prefer. Aloha, Bob

[Barque]

Hi Bob,
Anger is an important concern of my students when they work closely with each other. How would you suggest someone do or practise #3 when s/he is angry?

[Dr. Robert Klass]

I have developed a number of techniques, exercises...whatever you want to call them...that work pretty well for me most of the time. Or, they at least work much better that getting into the kind of stupid arguments and destructive behavior patterns that I would immediately go to when I was younger and more impetuous. Please understand, I am not a trained professional in the field of anger management, but I have done a lot of research and have a great deal of life experience in many areas of human behavior. I freely offer this material to anybody who might find it useful.

When I am angry, I do some or all of the following:

1-I consider whether or not it will make my wife happy. We have been married for going on 34 years, and although I have not always been easy to live with...to say the least...I do want her to feel good about what I'm doing. I have also told her that I would employ the principles of "turn the other cheek" in all situations, especially those that might result in negative consequences. I do not want to break my word to my wife, and, in practice, I have found "turning the other cheek" to be the best way that I know about to deal with experiences that involve hostility.
2-I consider my motives. Am I being true and honorable to myself? Will my actions put more love into the world, or will they make it a more mean-spirited place?
3-I take inventory of how things are going in my life. How am I doing with money? Creativity? Health? Friendships? Gardening? Etc. If I find that I am coming up short in certain areas, I consider if there is some action I should take immediately, or am I willing to change my mind and find the situation right the way it presently exists?
4-I do what I can to find the people or things right the way they presently exist. God knows, this isn't always easy, but if I can get to the place in my head where I have it that the anger is not about them, it's about me, it makes it a lot easier to look at more positive options. One of those options that's always available, regardless of how angry I might feel, is finding forgiveness in my own heart.
5-I ask myself what Jesus would do in this situation. I could say a lot more about this, but let's just say that I find Jesus to be an amazing source of strength, wisdom, inspiration, guidance and love. From what I can tell, the words of Jesus come from a very "high" place, and they are so pure and simple that it's easy to take them for granted. I know that I did for most of my life.

Here's hoping that you find some of this entry to be useful. Once again, many thanks to Thomas Moore and all of the other people who have made this discussion possible. Aloha, Bob

[Ann]

I love these, Bob, I truly do. I love that you have promised you wife that you will manage your anger, and that you hold this promise in your heart. How much harder it would be to let loose in anger knowing you will be breaking your word and hurting someone you love. I doubt many of us even think to ask our partners what they wish from us (or for us) as far as our own conduct and personal development.

I also like number 2: Am I being true and honorable to myself. Boy, that is powerful way to look at handling anger. This is really a core piece to having any center at all in life, isn't it? Without a clear sense of who you are and what you stand for you are really at the mercy of others. Anyone can push your buttons or drive your life.
Ann