Opus Day 31: Educate the Heart

[Barque]

"Living with a daimon may not make you happy. There is something insane about the work of the daimon, in contrast to the rational approach to career that college counselors might advise. It may steer you toward an unexpected way of life, but in its own way it could help you fulfill your dreams. In ancient times the daimon was called a demiurge, a world maker, a creator of life.
**
Today we have surrendered to a view of the human being as a mechanical being ruled by a brain, and we see education as instilling skills and facts with the purpose of having a successful career and making as much money as possible. We ignore the education of the heart and the revelation of a deep power and direction within the person. As the Greeks understood, society fails in such a condition. Not only the individual, but the community, too, needs the force of the daimonic to deal with the challenges life continually presents."

Today’s Work: List and describe the characteristics that infuse your dreams of desirable work.

Share your responses with Barque readers, by replying to this discussion.

[Ann]

I've loved the concept of our soul personified as a Daemon ever since reading the Golden Compass with my children many years ago, but I mostly thought of this as sort of a fun symbol to adopt, much like the Chinese zodiac or some such.

Several years ago, in a very rough patch in my life I realized my daemon presents as a solemn little girl who silently watches me. She is alone and very self contained. Once I looked I could see her very distinctly. I understand she is 7 because 7 was the age I was when my childhood took a turn for the worse, when I began learning to take care of myself, when I learned to read and began my life long love of the written word.

I really wanted nothing to do with her, I am NOT that sad little girl anymore. I’ve done every thing I know how to do to fill my life with people I can trust to love and who love me in return, I’ve created a life full of stability, laughter, optimism and accomplishment. In other words, I've done everything "right" to escape my poor beginnings. It’s very frustrating that she so stubbornly refuses to cheer up! What more can I do to make her happy, why does she continue to haunt me with waves of unexplainable longing, melancholy, loneliness?

In the past year or so, I've tried to accept her a little more. I've been trying this sort of silly exercise. When I feel her presence I imagine petting and soothing her, telling her she’s ok now, I try to figure out what she wants most and how I can give it to her. It’s amazing how much this touches me. Perhaps it is easier for me to know how to comfort a young child than it is to know how to do the same for the mature woman I am today.

Another piece to this: I have spent my entire professional life on the front lines in public education where I am called in to deal with the most damaged and neglected children, children who have been completely abandoned and/or abused. All my life I have vehemently believed and stated to anyone who would listen that I HATE MY JOB! Hate the pain and suffering of little helpless children, it is a terrible, stupid awful way to earn money! I have NO IDEA how I ended up in such a position. It just happened! And certainly, f I could find any other job I would!! Really!! I mean it! Ha.

I am finally understanding that this is my passion. My enduring little daemon has allowed me to bear witness to the suffering of little children, to know how to touch them, to be strong enough not to turn away from their pain. Maybe when I take care of them I am taking care of her.

However, I still contend that my job sucks. I do hate it. It is one of the paradoxes in my life, I suppose. Hard to live with it, but can't quite give it up. Like this passage implies the soul it doesn’t always allow the easy way. I want a happier daimon!

[Barque]

Thank you, Ann, for responding so openly and vividly to this passage, and for telling us more about your work.

[Ann]

Thank you, Barque and Thomas Moore, for all these prompts that are giving me the opportunity to think and write about work and life in general.

Although I assume there is no need for it, I keep wanting to apologize for writing in such a personal tone about such a personal topic. I wouldn’t do this in “real” life, but this format is so close to journaling and so anonymous it is easy for me to get a little dramatic.

Hopefully it is alright for me to sort myself out a bit further here…

After thinking about this emotion laden post all afternoon, I realized a couple things. First, how seldom I have an opportunity to really talk about what my work means to me. Child abuse makes people uncomfortable, like it is a crime that shouldn’t be talked about in polite company. When people ask me about my work, I speak in broad generalities about the public speaking and educational parts of it, not the part that involves real children with real pain. Maybe I need to find some more outlets for this part of it.

Second, it took me aback to see myself write that I hate my job. Hate is a very strong word. What is also true is that I love my job. It is so much harder for me to express the love parts-- what it has meant to me to be there in the worst times in a child’s life, how much it fills me to be able to offer comfort and compassion, to try to make the system work, to stand beside a child in need.

I realized that in my mind it seems wrong to say I love my job. How is it right to love something that is so immersed in pain and suffering? You know, saying, “I love my job! Today I heard a child describe how his mother’s boyfriend tortured his puppy in front of him!” It feels like a betrayal to the children and their stories in some way. It seems right that I should hate it.

I’m thinking love and hate aren’t really the right words at all…

Or something. :) Not exactly sure yet...


Now, I hope someone else is willing to step in and talk for awhile. I've had the floor long enough!

[Dr. Robert Klass]

Dear Ann, During the course of this discussion, quite a few people have said that emotions are neither positive or negative. That's also true of other parts of our lives, including jobs, relationships and so on. What's often not said is that these things are neither positive or negative until we come along and make them so, and I believe that's part of our freedom of choice as human beings. If you or I hate our jobs or anything else, we are the ones carrying around that hate, and carrying it around is probably going to effect other parts of our lives.

I realize that it's pretty easy for somebody who is not in our spot to say things like "Bob, stop being depressed" or
"Ann, stop hating your job,' but, from what I can tell, changing our minds about how we feel is always an option. In fact, if I am in a place where I am unhappy, angry or whatever, I can only come up with the following options to deal with the situation:
1-Change my mind
2-Change my situation
3-Live with it
At the very minimum, we do have some control over our lives and our emotional responses. How much control we have may be subject to conjecture, but within that area where we have choice, we can do the best we can to be more positive. Here's wishing you the best! Aloha, Bob

[Ann]

Bob, your response came in as I posted my further thoughts. I truly appreciate your encouragement here. Like I said, "hate" IS a strong word,it took me by surprise to see it so clearly in print and said with such conviction.

I'm going to think more about this because I think this is a habit of mine, saying "I hate this!" because it is just easier than trying to face up to a deeper analysis.

Thanks again, Bob, and stay in touch as you can here, these discussions are very fruitful to me.

Ann

[Dr. Robert Klass]

Dear Ann, Please do not get down on yourself for being "too personal" in these discussions. I think that your openness is a sign of strength, and I admire you for it. It's not suprising that some of the things that you see in your work get to you...just hearing about that guy torturing a puppy gets to me, and I have to give myself a quick reminder to not take it personal! Although we may never meet in person, I feel like you are one of the people on this board I have connected with, that you are something of a kindred spirit. Here's hoping you're having a good day! Aloha, Bob

[Ann]

Thanks, Bob. Yea, I bet we could have a really interesting talk over coffee.

Actually, I bet we could have a really interesting talk with anyone who has joined this board!

Take care,
Ann

[Barque]

Thomas Moore devotes an entire chapter to the daimon - these brief passages are tastings from a much fuller feast. He also writes, "The daimon provides the energy and direction a person needs to move into new areas of work, but it requires a creative and sensitive response. As [W.B.] Yeats says, you may have to wrestle with this force, engage it, and allow it a serious role in your life decisions." This engagement may help us to emphasize different features of our life work at different times while staying close to our daimonic responses - an idea of experimentation - like Ann's musing that she may be able to find different outlets to talk about the actual children and their experiences.

[Deb]

Ann
Why continue with your job? Give to yourself now. Look after yourself.